10 Movies To Watch This Summer

Admittedly, summer should be spent outdoors and not in front of the TV.  However, if you should find yourself relaxing on your couch, these movies are worth watching for sure!  

Happy viewing!

~~~ 

1. 

Spotlight

(2015)

R

Story:
Spotlight is the true story of a team of journalists at the Boston Globe who exposed the Catholic Church's child sex abuse cover-ups.
My take:
This is by far one of my all time favorite movies.  I was super nervous to watch it because the subject matter makes me uncomfortable but, wow, I am so glad I did.

2. 

Snowden

(2016)

R

Story:

Film based on the now (in)famous actions of Edward Snowden.
My take:
This is a great film (though, as someone who has very libertarian leanings, my political opinions may make me slightly biased).  What can I say?  I respect the liberty of all mankind and I respect Edward Snowden for sticking up for what he thought was right.

3. 

World War Z

(2013)

PG-13

Story:
Film about a world-wide zombie apocalypse staring Brad Pitt.
My take:
First thing you need to know about me -- I absolutely DESPISE scary/horror movies.  So if I'm recommending a film, even a zombie film, you can rest assured it will not keep you awake for the rest of your life.

I think my favorite thing about this movie was the main character's wife Karin (played by actress Mireille Enos) wasn't a nagging, critical cow when everything in her world fell apart.  She rolled with it.  I hate it when I watch apocalypse movies and, in the midst of the chaos and disaster, the wife turns to her husband and is like, "Well, Gerry, what are we going to do now!?" as if the poor guy caused the problem and must, on his own, fix it for her.  No, no, no.  I don't need to watch uber-woman, superchick, but, seriously, the guy's fighting zombies chica, not coming up with solutions!   

4. 

The Last Samurai

(2003)

R

Story:
A listless, jaded mercenary takes a job to train soldiers in Japan and ends up being kidnapped and immersed into the samurai culture.
My take:
Every time I watch a Tom Cruise movie I remember why Tom Cruise makes what he does for his pictures.  He's just a great actor.

Basically, if you liked Dances With Wolves, you will most likely like this film.  They are very similar (in an awesome way) but with different locations.

5. 

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

(2015)

PG-13

Story:
Two spies on opposite sides during the Cold War must team up to stop a baddie with a dirty bomb.
My take:
Great spy film.  Best way to describe it?  It's sexy but, at the same time, I think my dad would enjoy it.  The Russian spy Illya Kuryakin (played by Armie Hammer) is a great character.  Worth viewing.

6. 

The Intern

(2015)

PG-13

Story:
A retiree, bored with retirement, takes an internship at a young, hip, up-and-coming online company and becomes best friends with his young, female boss.
My take:
This story is simply charming and sweetly funny.  Best part about this film?  The two main characters have a great, professional, strictly platonic relationship foregoing the seemingly mandatory sex between man and women that immerses all films these days.  Finally I don't have to sit through the "oh, oops, one night stand, glad we got that out of the way, we're both adults, let's move on and not tell our spouses" scene that I was dreading but never came.  Thank you Nancy Meyers (director); I appreciate that not being in this script!  Bravo.

7. 

Last Knights

(2015)

R

Story:
A group of knights battle to avenge the death of their beloved master.
My take:
Honestly, Morgan Freeman could be in a movie doing nothing more than reading the ingredients of shampoo and I'd find it enjoyable.  Love his voice and his on screen presence.  So take him, add a story of men sacrificing everything for the sake of honor, and what are you left with?  A great movie, that's what!  The villain, Geza Mott (played by Aksel Hennie), is absolutely despicable.  You just really, really want to see this horrible human being get his comeuppance.  Aksel Hennie, you sir were nothing short of genius in this role; if my opinion had any merit and I had an award to give, I would give one for playing the best villain I've seen in a long, long time.

8. 

Pixels

(2015)

PG-13

Story:
Comedy about aliens invading earth using vintage arcade game villains and the hope for mankind rests in the hands of old-school video-gamers.  (I cannot make this stuff up.)
My take:
A great Adam Sandler film (regardless of what the haters say.)  My husband and I love Adam Sandler movies and this one is no different.  It's just a good time.  Peter Dinklage is especially fun and his lines are delivered with perfect, comedic timing.

9. 

The Legend Of Tarzan

(2016)

PG-13

Story:
Tarzan and Jane, who now live an aristocratic lifestyle in Europe, must return to Africa to stop the schemes of an evil prince who has taken over Tarzan's former home.
My take:
Move over Disney; this is now my favorite Tarzan movie!  It's just a great adventure flick and the chemistry between Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgard) and Jane (Margot Robbie) sizzles.  How refreshing to watch a story where a married couple heats up the screen.  Maybe adventure isn't your idea of romance, but, as for me, this is a great date night film!

10. 

Ben-Hur

(1959)

G

Story:
Based on the run-away best selling novel, Ben-Hur follows the story of Judah Ben-Hur, a wealthy Jew during the time of Jesus Christ who is betrayed in the worst possible way by one of his closest friends, endures great suffering, and acquires a thirst for vengeance.
My take:
It's shocking to admit this but, as someone who has been a fan of this movie since forever, I've never actually read the book.  Nevertheless, as a teenager, I would curl up for hours in front of this classic (fair warning: I say hours because it is LONG).  Yes, I know that there is a new, "improved" version and I really, really wanted to love it... but it just doesn't compare.  For this old soul, CGI effects can never take the place of great actors, compelling story lines, and breathtaking sets.  There's a reason this film is immortalized in Hollywood history.

10 Permissions I Give My Adult Self

As I steadfastly march arm in arm with Father Time through my thirties, I'm starting to get some life in my rear view mirror.  And yet, the road ahead still stretches far into the horizon. There are things I've learned, things I've yet to learn, and some things I never should have forgotten.

I take a pause on this brisk jaunt called life, a pit stop if you will, to reflect, giving myself an honest analysis.  As I do, I realize there are 10 things I (and many others like me) need to allow my grown-up self to do in the midst of busy "adulting". 

~~~

1. I give myself permission to be completely honest

"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."
Proverbs 24:26

I come from a politically-charged family; every word could have a double meaning and the name of the game is to gather allies through passive aggressive manipulation.  Predictably, this type of lifestyle and environment can be incredibly stressful.

So, I give myself the freedom of honesty!  I will not use reverse psychology to manipulate others into doing what I want!  I will not employ carefully constructing sentences to change the story in my favor!  I will not keep secrets in order to make myself more powerful!  This will not be the way I live.  My earnest opinions will be spoken and my feelings will be shared.  Deception is a chain I refuse to bear.

Now, let's clarify something: When I say "honest" I don't mean I'm giving myself permission to be tactless, rude, and arrogantly loud.  Honesty can be a beautiful, freeing thing but only if the speaker has genuine humility in their opinions and compassion for the feelings of others.  And, honestly, if you are an arrogant, insensitive person then there is no need for you to give yourself permission to be honest; you're already plowing your way through life hiding your blatantly rude behavior as "honesty".  

Having a heart that is full of authentic consideration for other human beings.  That's when honesty is truly the best policy.  

~~~

2. I give myself permission to restart the art of dreaming

Not to get too cliche, but *ahem* REACH FOR THE STARS!

The internet is practically bursting with inspirational memes which are smeared over abstract photography, encouraging all souls to "follow their dreams", "keep dreaming", "not give up", etc etc etc.

Now, when we're in our early twenties, we're pumped about our dreams.  We're gonna do stuff!  Brilliant stuff!  Other people may not get to where they want to be but not us by thunder!  

Then life happens; not necessarily bad things but just life.  Time marches on at a steady pace and we began to walk to the beat, adding a responsibility here, an obligation there...  Pretty soon you develop a routine of survival.  Dreams become less outlandish and comfort becomes the new dream.  Things become stable, fall into place, and we adjust our compasses accordingly.

Now, this doesn't apply to all souls out there, but the majority of us, eventually, begin to focus simply on realist, practical goals that easily fall into step with what we're currently doing.  

The truly wild dreams dim and then flicker off without notice...

So, as much as we may despise the inspiration memes clogging up our online experience, we need to rediscover the art of passionate dreaming.  Will these dreams be different than what we thought we wanted when we were younger?  You betcha!  Will they be any less wild and spectacular?  Absolutely not!

I give myself permission to dream big and dream fearlessly!  Which brings me to #3...

~~~

3. I give myself permission to fail miserably without apology

Look at the future and be unabashedly fearless!

My fear of failure stems from an entirely selfish thought process -- see, I don't fear failure because I don't want to let myself or those who care about me down; oh no, I fear failure because I don't want to give the people who despise me anything to gloat about.

K, I know I need to truly fill my life with more positive people but, in the meantime, there it is in all it's glory -- the reason I fear failure.  

But guess what?  If I never fail at anything it probably means I didn't start anything.  And you know what else?  Living a life in which nothing was ever started is worse than being the biggest failure in the world!

So yes, I give myself permission to fail.  I also give myself permission to feel so unashamed of my failures that I don't need to offer up explanations to my curious critics.  I failed at something.  End of story.  Say what you will but this event is a-rollin' off my back and I'm moving forward!  

~~~

4. I give myself permission to not wait for others

Allow yourself to walk away.

Whether waiting for an apology before forgiveness is extended or waiting for approval before venturing into something new, no one should have their entire future held hostage by the whims of others.

Basically, life's short.  We can love and care for other people without pushing pause on our entire journey simply for their sake.  Time never stops moving forward and if it means you must move forward independently, then do so.  If you hold out for others to make a decision, you may be holding out forever.  Are you prepared for a limbo of forever?  If you pause your own personal growth to wait on someone behaving in a certain way, are you prepared to stunt your personal growth forever?

Some people bask in the secure comfort that others are always going to wait around on them.  These people begin to believe that the person waiting on them truly doesn't have an existence or life apart from them.  By continuing to be held hostage by perpetually waiting on another person's fancies and whims, you lose a part of yourself and forever decimate your independence.  

You were made with a purpose all your own!  You are not merely an extension of someone else.  Love yourself and move forward.  Give yourself permission to wait no longer!

~~~

5. I give myself permission to appear ugly, poor, and/or an emotional wreck

When you let go of the restraints of image,
you embrace a new reality full of liberation.

All to often, people (especially women) define themselves by how attractive they appear to others.  

Or maybe they buy nice things and big, updated houses in the hopes of impressing on others that they are economically superior to a "lower class" of individuals.

And I'll bet all of us have given the "fine" answer when things most certainly are not fine.

At what point do we no longer have to fake it?  At what point are we simply pretty enough, rich enough, and tough enough?  Maybe that point is now and the time for pretending is over...

So I give myself permission to leave my house and look as ugly as I want without makeup or nice clothes.  I give myself permission to have shabby, old stuff and not care what others might speculate my yearly net worth to be.  I give myself permission to be honest (see #1) about how I feel in public, whether or not it makes someone feel awkward. 

 Life's to short to live behind a facade!  Be who you are without worrying about the judgment of others.     

~~~

6. I give myself permission to care so much about people around me that, at some point, I will feel hurt

There is nothing positive about a heart caged behind a wall.

Living behind a wall is a pretty lonely place to be.  Behind my wall I'm safe from being hurt but I'm also not impacting the world in any positive way.  I'm not allowing myself to be loved nor am I truly giving my love to others.

So I give myself permission to get hurt.  It will happen and I accept this risk knowing that a life of isolation is a pale version of what life is supposed to be.  Blocking others out because of fear of potential pain is inherently selfish; when I do this I'm keeping all my gifts, all my affections, and all my resources to myself.    

This life was meant to be shared with others and I don't mean just a sparse scattering of a few select people.  No, it was meant to be shared with a wide array of souls gathering together who want to be loved and are willing to give love.

~~~

7. I give myself permission to cry

Even sadness has a place.

How often are tears blinked back?  How many times does one grit his teeth and muscle through the issue?

How many tears have I needed to shed and chose instead to suppress the urge?

Hereafter, I lovingly give myself permission to break down.  Someone who cries when tears are needed is a strong person.  Someone who isn't afraid of giving the appearance of vulnerability is a liberated human being.

~~~

8. I give myself permission to be still

"...Be still, and know that I am God..."
Psalm 46:10b

Gadgets, noise, chaos, voices.  Constant streaming.  Never ending background din.  Busy busy busy.  Go go go.  On the move.  Produce, produce produce.

When was the last time we sat in silence without accomplishing anything but stillness?  When was the last time we were by ourselves without seeking some form of screen entertainment?  When was the last time the only noise surrounding us was organic and not artificial?

I give myself permission to sometimes sit still and do simply nothing.  I choose to allow my awake brain to rest from the chaos and diversions that are distracting me from what actually matters.

~~~

9. I give myself permission to be passionate about my beliefs

The sincerity of your beliefs is put to the test
by just how much they impact your life.

It's very en vogue to be searching for meaning, purpose, and what you believe in.  Searching is seen as a positive thing.

But what's not as popular is declaring you've found truth; saying I'm looking for God is acceptable but saying I've found God and the way to Him, well, that's when conversations can get awkward.

Despite this (or maybe because of it), I hereby give myself permission to be passionate about what I believe in the face of criticism.  I will embrace openly and wholeheartedly what I have come to realize as the truth.  After all, if I'm throwing a wet blanket over my values and faith, do I actually believe what I say?

If you believe you've discovered the truth, speak boldly so others can hear it.  If it's the truth, it would be selfish to hoard it to yourself.

Permission to be passionate!

~~~

10. I give myself permission to never stop trying new things

You're never to old for an adventure!

Childhood is seen as a time of exploration and wonder.  It is during this time that we are educated, we try new hobbies, and we are constantly being faced with opportunities to try something we've never done before (and, most of the time, we rise to the occasion.)

Why does that have to end?  Why not learn to play the saxophone at age 60 or take up samba dancing at age 40?  Why not ask the local kid cruising by your house for a try on his skateboard?  Why not step outside your comfort zone and learn a new language?  Odds are you have all the opportunities to learn endlessly within your grasp so, I ask again, why the heck not?

I give myself and the rest of the world permission-- stop! No, I give us obligation to always be learning and discovering marvelous things about the universe around us.  

An idle mind is a wasted mind.

~~~

The End

(drinking coffee with friend)
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(woman jumping)
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(portrait of woman, black and white)
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(woman in tunnel)
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(woman overlooking water)
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(portrait with wall)
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(woman with eyes closed)
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(man at concert)
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(woman with helmet)
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6 Things You Should Know About The "Allergy Mom"

I live in America, a land of ridiculous bounty.  And when you live in a country that's been so incredibly blessed, you start to get used to enjoying the good things life has to offer.  One of the most basic "good things" of the human experience is food and, we Americans, we love us some good food.

All you have to do to realize how much food is adored by my culture is flip on the television and there you will see food paraded across the screen like a porn star: the lighting warm; the announcer's voice soft and oozing; the camera zoomed up close so you can see every cheesy drip during the thirty second commercial.

Or examine the best loved customs for all major American holidays and events.  What do people look forward to?  The good cooking.  What do people gather around?  The food.  We don't just enjoy food for nourishment; we depend on it for social situations and, right or wrong, for comfort.

Enter the "allergy mom," a woman like me; the mom whose child has a highly sensitive, deadly food allergy.  Now, I want to start off by saying, the majority of allergy moms I talk to (myself included) know that there are far, far worse conditions to suffer through as a parent.  Diabetes, cancer, etc, (you name it.)  There are millions of parents around the world that would change places with an allergy mom in a heartbeat.  I acknowledge that.  However, I think because of this most allergy moms don't speak out about how lonely this journey can be.

So, in order to gently raise awareness, I wanted to list a few things you need to know about moms of children who suffer from deadly food allergies.

#1

She's terrified.

What do you mean it might or might not have peanuts in it?!

Not all allergy moms find out the hard way that completely normal foods are poisonous to their offspring.  However, a lot of them do and that experience can scar you.  Holding your child in your arms and watching them as they almost die from something that is totally preventable leaves a mark.

From that moment forward, the allergy mom has two options; either she can expect (unrealistically) the entire world to change to her new "norm" or she can change how she does parenting.  What was normal is not anymore.  Oftentimes the family's fun and social customs have to change, much to the bafflement of those around them.

Ignorance no longer equals bliss.  Ignorance equals death.  An allergy mom is constantly watching, constantly reminding, constantly researching every single situation the kid is involved in because, if she doesn't do her due diligence, something as minor as (for example) peanut protein on an adult's hands can hurt her child.

It seems insane.  It seems paranoid.  It seems crazy.  And often times the allergy mom feels like it is.  But even if it seems this way, it doesn't change the reality of how dangerous food allergies can be nor how easily a child can come in contact with these potentially lethal foods.

#2

She knows you're ignorant.

Hmm, yes, tell me more about how
you "get" what I'm talking about...

Okay, hold your horses for a second.  She DOES NOT think you're stupid but she knows you're ignorant.  Quite frankly, ya don't know what ya don't know.  So, just how is she sure you are not as aware of these medical conditions as you think?  Because, more than likely, she was once just like you.  Unless she grew up with an allergy or personally knew someone who suffered from one, she had a period in her life where she joyfully skipped through a world of seafood and Texas Roadhouse.

So, if you say you totally get the allergy thing and then are offended when she starts to ask questions (trying to figure out how you know oh so much), understand she's just trying to figure out if you can actually cash the check your mouth just wrote.

#3

This isn't a lifestyle choice

Dude, eating shellfish is MURDER
so I just decided my kid was allergic to it. :)

No mom enjoys her kid ill.  No mom enjoys her kid having to miss out on fun outings or activities.  No mom likes her kid being singled out as "different."  No mom enjoys living in fear of her kid being poisoned.

And yet, you'd be surprised how many people treat allergy moms like they enjoy their kids medical condition; as if they were some disgusting attention hounds just wanting to draw focus to themselves.

I do hope hives are involved! BWHAHAHAHA!

Imagine planning a group function and someone announces that they are vegan so they can't eat meat and everyone needs to be aware of this fact.  Picture the reaction of some.  Do you see a lot of eye rolling?  Some balking?  Maybe, if a more aggressive non-vegan person is present, a debate over vegans in general to make everyone extra, extra uncomfortable.  Why?  Well, perhaps the other people in the group disagree with the vegan's lifestyle choice or, more likely, they feel the non-meaters are simply being high maintenance.

Okay, now here's the weird part: As an allergy mom, I've faced the exact same reactions illustrated above when I say that we have a nut allergy in the family so could we please keep that in mind.  Eye rolling?  Yes.  Balking with annoyance?  Yep.  Arguing the validity of my assertion?  You betcha.

I hate that my kid has this allergy but I've come to terms with it.  Every single allergy mom I know doesn't enjoy reading the lengthy labels of everything she puts in the shopping cart, nagging every server at every restaurant, not being able to take her kid to the ice cream shop because dessert places are riddled with peanuts, etc.  This isn't something we sign up for.  It's not for kicks.  And, truthfully, most of us don't even pray our kids test out on their allergies because to hope for something that seems so impossible would open us up for heartache we aren't ready to meet.  So we deal.  We adjust.  We move on.  We sigh.  We forgive.

#4

She doesn't want to be invited to your potluck.

You see a delicious spread of food.
Meanwhile allergy mom hears the Scream theme playing in her head.

If she turns down your invitations, don't feel snubbed.  It probably just means that, on that particular day, she's not up to playing the role of food sentinel.

Imagine if you had a six-year-old and one of your friends skipped up and stated with enthusiasm, "Great news!  I've bought tickets for your whole family to come skydiving with us next Tuesday!"

"What?!"  You say.  "Um, I think I'll have to pass..."

They persist.  "Come on!  It's totally safe; I checked with the company and they are safe!  I even checked out everyone's parachute!  It'll be great.  Yeah, I mean, you could recheck your kid's parachute if you want but, ya know, I already did.  I mean, you trust me right?"

Okay, this is an extreme example but a normal person would expect you to either say "no" or, if you did end up going, to double check your kid's gear.  Would your friend be insulted that you turned down the invitation to throw your child out of a plane?  What if you went but double checked your kid's gear?  Would it be offensive?

The answer, if you're a reasonable and sane adult, is no.  Of course it's not offensive!

When you get offended because an allergy mom won't accept your dinner invitation or because she has the audacity to question your ingredients at the potluck, you need to understand that, by feeding her child or by feeding those who come in contact with her child, you are putting that kid's life in your hands for a condition you know very little about.  She is totally in her rights to not want to come or to recheck everything when she's there.  Deal with it.

Truthfully, it's not fun for her; you can't mingle when you're on constant patrol.

#5

She's had her share of completely idiotic things said to her.

Say what?!

People have not been nice to her about this.  I know it's a weird thing to be nasty about but, sadly, I know it to be true.

Many of the comments are made in just pure ignorance and those she doesn't mind though, be aware, she laughs about them with her husband later on.  Things like, "Won't being exposed over and over again to X make the allergies go away?"  Or, "Oh, shell fish allergy?  Like being lactose intolerant right?"

Some are mean.  Like implying that she inadvertently caused her baby's allergy.  ("You do know not to feed them peanut butter till after a year right?")  Yeah, thanks for that.  She did know.  Making her feel like crap doesn't change the current situation...

Or how 'bout this: Not calling her child by their name but instead saying "the allergy kid" from "the allergy family."  Yeah, that's classy.  Do you call kids with down syndrome the "down syndrome kid" or kids with glasses "four eyes." Don't do this.  You suck if you do this.

(All true stories of what I know adults have said to allergy moms.)

#6

It's all worth it.

Is dealing with a deadly allergy fun?  No.  But you know what's awesome?  Getting to be a mom.  It's all worth it.  Every worry.  Every fret.  Every scare.  Having the privilege of holding our precious babes in our arms, knowing we've been entrusted with them for a short time, knowing we're honored to raise them into the adults God made them to be makes all the extra work seem like nothing.

If I had to line up all the kids in the world and was told I could I pick out any two I liked, I still would have picked my girls every. single. time.  No sickness, no issue, no heartache or fear could ever cause me to choose differently.

~~~

Yes, I have written extensively on my experience as an "allergy mom" because I want to help people understand what this journey can be like.  I can't speak for all moms on this issue and, truthfully, I have generalized a bit but I know much of what I've penned will resonate with many moms who walk this path.

In closing, it's important the reader realize one thing about my allergy mom sisters and myself -- this isn't an odd burden we awkwardly carry around; this is our life, our normal, and we are well conditioned to dealing with it.

Show us, and all people you meet who are living with something you may never need to understand, humility and compassion.

Photo Credit:

Girl Eating
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Stressed woman
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Woman with pen
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27586438@N04/25813730252">Eline</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>

Cool hippy chick
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Witch Comic
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/11279883@N00/22357794315">A delightfully gruesome reaction!</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>

Potluck
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Two women sitting
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Mother and son
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America, To You I Don't Belong

"One nation under God."

"From sea to shining sea."

"In God we trust."

"Sweet land of liberty."

I know the songs.  I know the words,

all woven into my heart.

I've been fed the milk of patriotism

from a very early start.

I feel the thump of my heart

as I salute our flag.

But as the years gather behind me

questions start to nag.

"Patriotism is morality."

"In your country take great pride."

"Swear allegiance to your flag."

"God is on our side."

God is on our side? 

America is His team?

We plant our flag at the front of His church,

"I claim this" we seem to scream.

One nation under God 

is not an exclusive right.

They're ALL under God

every day and every night.

The title of "American"

is a badge we wear with show.

"It's what makes us who we are!

Who we are from head to toe!"

So why am I in turmoil 

when asked to join the ranks

of worshippers of our country

who to their heritage give great thanks?

My heart is heavy and torn

because to my country I haven't been true.

I can't pledge loyalty to my country

because I've sworn it to a crucified Jew.

He bled and died for me.

He fought to bring me life.

And I've happily given my soul

and am part of the church, His beautiful wife.

So you see the title of "Christian"

is all that's left of me.

My nationality is in heaven.

It's GOD who has set me free.

On the day I joined His ranks

He could have brought me home.

He could have ended mortality there

and said, "No more need you roam."

But He didn't.  He left me here.

For a purpose oh so grand!

I am to serve and further His kingdom.

(Not protect the interests of my motherland.)

So while this country I still love

and enjoy the blessings it has been given,

dear God, let my work on earth

be not for it's glory that I have striven.

If I die, let it be for you God!

Not for red, white, and blue.

Let my worship not be at a striped banner

but sang from my church pew!

Is nationalism holy?

No.  No, I think it not.

History has proved it a trap

into which the church is often caught.

So, though it seem sacrilegious

to say America is NOT holy,

though it might be offensive to all,

and they might say I don't understand fully,

I'll still say out loud

and declare the truth from my heart,

"My whole being belongs to God!

The whole thing!  Not just a part!"

It matters not whether I am 

Chinese, Dutch, or Iranian.

Whether I hail from Mexico

or call myself French Canadian.

Remember, oh American Christian,

your brothers are spread far and wide,

Your family stretches throughout the globe,

even across borders, the "other side."

Your duty is to your mission --

to show the world God's love.

Let the world see where you truly belong

that your citizenship is from above.

Don't fear being a stranger to the world.

Who cares if you're an oddity to your neighbor?

You belong to something more

and for a Higher Power do you labor.

So put not too much stock 

into your Nationality.

Don't hold too tightly to your flag

or bow down to Lady Liberty.

If God turned against America

on His side may you stand.

It's arrogance to believe

that our nation is His holy right hand.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/56693919@N02/17131117977">Jasper Johns' "The Flag" revisited.</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>

Peace. Where Do I Even Start?

“Stay where you are. Find your own Calcutta. Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely right there where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have the eyes to see. Everywhere, wherever you go, you find people who are unwanted, unloved, uncared for, just rejected by society — completely forgotten, completely left alone.”
-Mother Teresa

World peace.  It's a lofty idea.  It's a radical idea.  It's an ideal ideal.

Two simple words but in a conversation they tend to steer the talk to deep theories and intellectual arrogance as we eagerly share our beliefs and thoughts on how to make this all happen.  We point to "other people" or "other places" (Middle East for example) and roll our eyes with pride.  Obviously we must be doing something right and they are just mucking it all up.

But is that really the case?  Look at our personal lives; we're divorced, angry, lawsuit ridden, bitter, and quick to burn bridges.  We're disgruntled at work, we flip people off in traffic, cuss at telemarketers for annoying us, and feud with our adult children.  We hate our parents, slander our ex's name to whomever will listen, and are eager to Internet bully complete strangers.  We're told to write people off if we think them a nuisance.  We feel justified in withholding compassion from jerks.  

But it begs the question -- if we have had bad service at a restaurant and can't leave without feeling cheated and irritated, how do we expect a man on the other side of the world to forgive his enemies for setting off a bomb that killed his child?  If we can't make it through a holiday without screaming at our spouse, why do we expect better self-control from a violent, starving thief in the slums a world away from our festive turkey?  Therein lies more than just a hint of hypocrisy.   

If we were to stand back and compare our actions to our ideals, I think it would be shaming.  I think we in the First World countries would be humbled by how little we know about what it means to try to have peace when you're dying of hunger or when your living in fear for your life or when you don't have any hope of a brighter future.

"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."
-(attributed to Mother Teresa but probably a paraphrase of a longer speech)

My definition of peace is not simply the absence of violence and force.  As a Christian, I believe in a greater peace, a peace not of this world.  I've had a taste of that peace through my faith but my sinful nature constantly wars with it and my personal relationships can be oh so messy. 

I believe God calls us to peace with ourselves and each other.  He knows it's a tall order that no human can accomplish.  This is why we're given the Holy Spirit; if we could do it on our own, we would.  But we can't; we need divine help and intervention. 

God has only entrusted me with a small pocket of the world to steward.  And, sometimes, it feels like more than I can handle.  So, in humility, I've realized I don't have the answer for world peace nor the power to carry it out. 

What I do have is my teeny tiny corner of the world and I can make a difference here.  If I did this, wouldn't that make for a better world?  Couldn't that possibly slip from my home into other cities, other countries, across oceans, spreading around the world? 

Our mission doesn't have to be exotic or bigger than life.  Our mission field, battleground, and cause is in our own families and communities.  Speak Jesus into the lives of those nearest you.  God said to love our neighbors and our neighbors are surrounding us: whether it's the alcoholic everyone's given up on; the single mom whose kid just dropped out of school; the pastor whose dad just died; the married couple who can't get pregnant.  We are literally surrounded by dozens and dozens of people who don't even need handouts or a lavish intervention but simply need a friend.  Just show up.  Be there.  Share space together.  Be inconvenienced.  Open yourself up.  Be vulnerable enough to possibly get hurt because you care just as hard as Christ cared for you.

Today, I think, is a great day to not give advice on how the entire world should resolve their differences.  Today is a great day for me to work on my part of the planet and the lives of the people God has put there for a reason. 

“Jesus taught us how to forgive out of love, how to forget out of humility. So let us examine our hearts and see if there is any unforgiven hurt - any unforgotten bitterness! It is easy to love those who are far away. It isn't always easy to love those who are right next to us. It is easier to offer food to the hungry than to answer the lonely suffering of someone who lacks love right in one's own family. The world today is upside down because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life.” -Mother Teresa

(Child at soup kitchen in Bolivia, 2007)

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/75823451@N04/13915675772">Soup Kitchen Belly</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">(license)</a>

 

(Mom and son, 2015)

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(Hug, 2015)

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What I'm Reading

The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers

author -- Meg Meeker, M.D.

I originally picked up The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker because my husband suggested it; he'd read Meeker's Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters and has been a devoted fan since.

In 10 Habits, Meeker puts into comprehensible words several of my disorganized thoughts on what motherhood has become in the 21st century; an endless ball of nerves surrounded by blazing messages warning doom around every corner!  Well, maybe that's an exaggeration but she does touch on many of the toxic habits mothers today struggle with and how to rid our lives of this negativity.  Interwoven into her sound advice are beautiful success stories meant to inspire and encourage us on our journey to be the moms we so desperately want to be.

The habits Meeker says emotionally healthy, happy mothers practice are as follows: understanding our value as moms, maintaining friendships, faith, refusing to compete, good money management, spending time alone, knowing how to love in healthy ways, simplifying our lives, refusing to live in fear, and, last but not least, having hope.  Wow, what a great list but a tall order indeed!

I was pleasantly surprised to find some of these habits come naturally to me.  Others, I've already recognized as needing to be part of my core identity long before I read Meeker's mothers' handbook.  However, there were several areas where her advice really helped steer me toward total mother happiness. 

The first would be understanding my value as a mother.  In this section, she has the reader do an exercise which may feel silly but is so effective -- making a list of positive things we love about ourselves and repeating it over and over in our head throughout the day.  I was game for it and discovered, after a few days practicing this, my perception of who I am as a person cleared and I had a healthy, genuine confidence (even when facing rejection).

Another chapter that really spoke to me (and I'm sure it will touch a nerve with many of us in this crazy rat race) was one in which Meeker calls us to simplify our lives.  A section of this addresses the illusion that a busy mom is a successful mom.  How freeing for me!  I've always envied moms who just seem to be everywhere at once doing everything all the time.  To me, they seemed so important!  What Meeker says, however, is that it's okay to not be busy and many happy mothers aren't.  *aaannndddd, deep breath of relief.  woosah*

If you can't tell already, I would highly recommend this book to any one of my fellow mom sisters!  (Or even curious husbands who want to understand the inner workings of their wives' minds.)  But, be warned, some of these ideas will call you to be brave and let go of  bad habits that have become part of your identity.  Don't be the unhappy woman who picks this book up, reads until she finds something she doesn't want to try, and throws it down declaring Meekers standards impossible.  Hard?  Yes.  Impossible?  No.

My guess is if you crack this book open, you (like me) could use a little smoothing on those rough edges.  So, knowing that, embrace some advice and try something new!  After all, much of what we're doing isn't working out for us.  If I don't like my new "habits," I can very easily revert back to the old ones. 

I call on all of us to go ahead and give these ten habits a try!

   

~excerpts~

(and portraits of mothers from around the world and different times)

from Get A (Good) Grip On Humility
"...being humble does not mean being self-effacing...  It is embracing a realistic look at our frailties as well as our strengths and then believing that we, just as other mothers who have their own frailties and strengths do, share inordinate value...  Humility brings extraordinary freedom.  When we lower ourselves, refuse to admit our strengths and gifts, or live with false modesty, we lower all mothers.  Many of us do this without even realizing that we are doing it."

from Focus On Your Deeper Purpose In Life
"Each of us was created to fill a calling.  First and foremost, we were born to be really good moms.  We weren't born to be mothers who are thin, rich, smart, who drive a lot, buy our kids great clothes, or get them into good colleges.  We were born to leave a mark on our world.  And usually, that mark is made on our kids and then on others' lives.  Sometimes it leaves its mark because of something we have done for another person and other times it happens because we were with that person.  We are beings -- mother beings.  We are human beings but we focus so constantly on the doing of life that we forget how to be.  Our deeper purpose in life flows from a sense that our presence is important to another person.  We have something to share with another and sometimes this takes work, and sometimes it means simply being who we are in the company of another."

from The Friendship That Changed My Life
"'Patricia?'  I called from behind...We chatted for almost twenty minutes as I tried to draw the conversation out as long as possible before broaching the sensitive subject that had prompted me to introduce myself.  Finally... I summoned the courage to ask this stranger to come live in our home for as long as she saw necessary...  We made arrangements for me to pick her up from the woman's shelter where she was currently staying...  She came for three weeks and stayed a year and a half.  I cried like a baby when she moved out...  During our twelve-year friendship, she suffered a stroke and two bouts of pneumonia, and had a defibrillator placed in her heart to correct irregular heart rhythms...  With every hospitalization, electric shock, or round of antibiotics, Patricia grew older...  Every day I drove by her house and checked to see if her lights were on or her plants were watered -- signs that she was still there and alive...  What most impressed me was the way in which Patricia talked about God.  Her voice quieted and became softer.  She used adjectives when describing Him like kind, gentle, and nurturing...  One dark October morning, I got a phone call from my husband...  Patricia had slipped into a coma.  She never came out of it...  We tired of waiting and watching her not respond.  I grew impatient and angry at her God, who she said was so nice...  On the sixth night of her hospitalization...  We [a friend and I] snuck into her room long after visiting hours were over and heard the gentle puff of her respirator...  something was different.  I looked at my friend and asked if she noticed anything different about Patricia.  She ever so slightly nodded her head...  'She's not here,' my friend whispered in astonishment...  We sensed... that Patricia had passed into heaven before her body gave out.  The next morning the doctor advised her children that, since there was no hope of Patricia getting better, he be allowed to take her breathing tube out...  'Don't be afraid,' I told them first.  'Your mom does not want you to be afraid.  She wasn't afraid to die.'...  The four told the doctor to remove the tube...  I held her bony hands in mine and kissed them as the doctor yanked the plastic and tore the tape from her face...  Something extraordinary happened.  I felt calmness consume me...  It was all okay...  During our friendship, Patricia taught me to be a better mother...  She taught me to forgive myself...  She taught me, in her life, that God is good, because she opened her heart and shared secrets with me...  And in her death, she showed me how good God can be."

from How Cindy Confronted Jealousy And Turned It Around
"Competition is a powerful force, and it has the potential to destroy.  But once it's confronted and brought into the open, it can be surprisingly easily overcome.  Jealousy between mothers, especially, is ugly stuff and there is no place for it...  We all harbor it to one degree or another because we are women who want life to go well, and when we think we see someone else get everything easily, we want what she has.  But it doesn't have to be that way."

from Look Close To Home For Contentment -- Not To Money
"So let's do it!  Let's strip money of the power that it holds over us as women, as mothers.  Rather than simply devising scenarios whereby we can make the balance between work and mothering teeter perfectly, let us shatter the notion that making money defines our worth (or part of it), ensures our independence, gives us complete security, and grants us power.  Is it outrageous to shatter the money paradigm altogether and embrace the belief that, as mothers, our worth stems from something far deeper?  Can we believe that our independence erupts from our human spirit, our power comes from our female humanity, and our security is born from something more significant than money?  If we believe that money is part of life but not the driving force that can make us happy (although it never really does) or make us miserable, if we take bold measures, we'll see that real contentment never has a price tag."

from The Getting -- Problems With Anger, Lack Of Trust, And A Different Kind Of Expectation
"Giving love is hard, but getting (or accepting) it back is just as difficult for many of us mothers.  The main culprit is anger that has hidden underground.  And many of us moms are experts at being angry and neither showing nor feeling it.  Anger is tied to too many other emotions.  We feel pressure, particularly when our kids are young, not to show disappointment, anger, or frustration at the young people they are.  But we need to address this issue because we are the ones who live with the smoldering suffocation of latent anger.  We are the ones who miss out because we don't want to give it up and allow the great infusion (or even trickles) of love from all sides and from all sorts of people in our midst."

from Inward Simplicity -- Find Your True Purpose, And Let The Rest Go
"In short, we live with an overriding sense that we have ultimate control over who our kids become when they are adults.  We therefore believe that every decision we make can potentially alter the outcome of their lives.  And this is an enormous burden to carry.  I want to be clear here.  Parents are the primary influence in a child's life concerning character development, but the truth is, even our influence is very limited."

from Loosen Your Grip
"Simplicity is the disciplined art of letting go.  It means willfully determining that your inner self needs some focus, some paring down and reorganization of priorities.  And once we have given attention to that inner self, it needs help.  We must attach a pair of feet to it in order that it can stay alive and work out its intentions.  Giving is the best way to help that process begin."

from Desensitize, Step-By-Step
"What do I do to overcome my fear of rejection by my husband when I speak?...  I...invite him to as many of my lectures as possible...  It ignites even more trepidation, but I need to address him more frequently in order to overcome this irrational fear.  My friend Sandy did the same with her girlfriends.  As an at-home mother with four kids, she felt intimidated to join a business group for women.  She was a psychology major in college 'a hundred years ago,' as she always said, and felt that she would have nothing intelligent to say to her peers.  Would she have good contributions to make to the group?  Of course.  But that reality didn't help squelch her fear of feeling like a fool and being rejected by her friends.  So what did she do?  She joined (with a lot of coaxing) a women's investment group and a book club.  But she didn't stop there.  She made herself speak up in the groups.  She wouldn't simply go and listen; she was determined to get over the gnawing in her gut that other women would think she was stupid, and so she made herself engage in discussions."

from Learn To Trust
"Many mothers put hope in their kids.  Others put hope in God.  Personally, I think that God is the better bet.  If God is real, then believing that He is good helps us put trust in Him for future events.  Hope keeps us moving forward and by putting hope in God, we are choosing to believe that ultimately He will bring about good for us."

(mom walking twins)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/11946169@N00/16937899019">Mommying</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(b&w mom staring at infant)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/84894254@N03/16782736377"></a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(b&w mom with many children)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/52529054@N06/16225212714">Harischchandra family, Dhamtari, India, 1965</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/commons/usage/">(license)</a>

(mom babywearing)
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(b&w mom walking small son)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/130320272@N04/16263885073">Different kind of nature</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(vintage b&w of family walking dog)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/95329455@N02/16998880052">Family walking with their collie dog</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(mom and child by waterfall)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/87106931@N00/16787354662">the ourika cascade</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>

(mother and daughter running through fountain)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/113047835@N04/16423693717">Mother and daughter running through the fountain.</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(b&w mom with stroller)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/131586579@N03/16815929975">New mam's generation</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

(vintage b&w portrait of mother and son)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/109550159@N08/16785886157">ca_20150331_001</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/commons/usage/">(license)</a>

(mother and son with Ipad)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/130552842@N04/17047054795">Family Entertainment</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>