Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Modesty ~ What I Want My Daughters To Know


Let me start off by saying, I'm not a huge modesty advocate.  The sight of another woman's thighs or well-endowed cleavage doesn't disturb me nor does it make me clap my hands for "empowerment".  This is mostly due to the fact that how another person dresses is just really none of my business; honestly I don't have the time or interest to pour into voicing which way another adult should or should not clothe their body.  (Yes, it is a lost art but sometimes minding our own business is, well, liberating.)

Rather than worry about what the women in the rest of the world are doing, I focus on what I am teaching my daughters through my example and my words.  I feel like my effort is better spent examining how me and mine carry ourselves rather than how the rest of the human race is doing it.

I know I'm not getting everything right in parenting (who does?) but I hope I'm able to teach them 4 core things about their bodies and modesty.

1.  My daughter, your body is your future.

You only get one body; love yourself.

It's a scientific fact that in order to live life you need your body, something you only get one of.  Let's go a step further and state you being able to do everything you dream of doing relies on your body working properly and healthily.

Because your future and existence is tied to closely to your body, NEVER let someone use your body for their entertainment. 

Your future is too important to be wasted on some one's quest for a momentary thrill.

2.  My daughter, you are a precious treasure.

All the gems in the world cannot hold a candle to how valuable you, my daughter, are.

I always tell my girls how valuable they are.  They are treasures and priceless to their father and me.

I put it like this ~

"You are a treasure.  You're body is very very valuable, like a rare ruby.  You never leave your rubies, diamonds, and other valuables laying out on the front lawn.  That's where plastic pink flamingos and dollar store garden gnomes are displayed, able to be glanced at by all passing-by, bored motorists.  No, our treasures belong in a secure safe, only brought out on special occasions.  If someone is honored enough to see the most valuable of jewels, it's because we trust them with our entire livelihood.  If you put something on the front yard, it's because it's of little value to you.  Beautiful treasures are kept safe, not because they are shameful but because they are valuable." 

3.  My daughter, you are not responsible for some else's thoughts.


(Never feel guilty or degraded because of what goes on in another person's head.)

I never want my girls to feel any sort of responsibility for the impure thoughts of others, regardless of how they dress.  The guilting of girls over their bodies and their sexuality needs to stop.  Women are beautiful.  I am beautiful.  Guilting a girl over her clothing selection is a dangerous, slippery slope: first, their dress is causing filthy thoughts inside the heads of other people; then, making eye contact and smiling is perceived as shameless flirting; next, well, that girl was asking for it by leading that poor man on.  You see where I'm going with this? 

There were times as a younger woman I was made to feel so dirty by the way a man treated me or thought about me.  Often times, it had nothing to do with how I was dressed because the issue wasn't my fault; it was his.  But any woman who has experienced the embarrassment of harassment knows that society tells us it must be our fault somehow; that we caused, to a certain degree, the unwanted advancement which left us feeling gross and small. 

I really doubt that this is the case, especially since I know dozens and dozens of men who can walk by scantily clad women and not feel uncontrollable sexual urges to pounce upon them.

My girls are not responsible for the thoughts of others and I want them to respect men by holding all males to high standards.  They need to understand that men are not drooling, humping hyenas incapable of thinking for themselves.  They are men, perfectly capable of honor and integrity without the entire female population wearing a burqa.

4.  My daughter, empowerment has nothing to do with clothing.


Both extremes to the modesty question claim their way is the empowering way.

On one side, we have the over-sexed marketing industry, saying the real way to feel empowered is to strip down to your undies (or less), stick that sleek hiney out, and pucker your lips sweetheart!  Empowered women bare all to the world by golly!  Be brave, feel no discomfort!  Nothing is private because you're empowered and want everyone to see you! 

WRONG!

On the other side, we have the knee length skirts and throwback 1940s swimwear.  We're told modesty is beautiful and truly gives women value.  To be truly empowered, we must do everything in our power to ensure other people see our value by how we clothe ourselves.  Empowerment comes from the good reputation of never having our honor impugned by false advertising.  We are empowered because we adhere to a strict set of dressing rules guaranteed to earn us respect from our fellow man, all the while building self-respect in us.

WRONG!

Here's the truth I want my daughter's to know; empowerment has nothing to do with what you're wearing.  Being smart, wise, confident, unafraid, and living up to your full potential are empowering.  Not your bra or neck scarf.  The woman on the Victoria Secret poster is not empowered because she's practically naked.  The traditional Catholic nun is not empowered because she's covered by her habit.

Empowerment comes from within; it's not something you put on or take off.

~~~

These are the four truths I want my children to know for themselves. 

What I don't want them to focus on?  What everyone else is doing.  I don't spend any amount of time worrying about what the woman across the restaurant is wearing and I don't want them to either.  It's an ugly form of judgement when we start criticising others based on their clothing selection.  Labels start to spring to mind; nasty words like ugly, slut, trashy.  Then we start nitpicking -- "Who wears white after labor day?!"  "Why would you mix that skirt with those shoes?"

Facing a world with those attitudes, a rather fitting word does come to mind -- petty. 

The End

 
 
 
 
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