I take a pause on this brisk jaunt called life, a pit stop if you will, to reflect, giving myself an honest analysis. As I do, I realize there are 10 things I (and many others like me) need to allow my grown-up self to do in the midst of busy "adulting".
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1. I give myself permission to be completely honest
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| "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Proverbs 24:26 |
I come from a politically-charged family; every word could have a double meaning and the name of the game is to gather allies through passive aggressive manipulation. Predictably, this type of lifestyle and environment can be incredibly stressful.
So, I give myself the freedom of honesty! I will not use reverse psychology to manipulate others into doing what I want! I will not employ carefully constructing sentences to change the story in my favor! I will not keep secrets in order to make myself more powerful! This will not be the way I live. My earnest opinions will be spoken and my feelings will be shared. Deception is a chain I refuse to bear.
Now, let's clarify something: When I say "honest" I don't mean I'm giving myself permission to be tactless, rude, and arrogantly loud. Honesty can be a beautiful, freeing thing but only if the speaker has genuine humility in their opinions and compassion for the feelings of others. And, honestly, if you are an arrogant, insensitive person then there is no need for you to give yourself permission to be honest; you're already plowing your way through life hiding your blatantly rude behavior as "honesty".
Having a heart that is full of authentic consideration for other human beings. That's when honesty is truly the best policy.
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2. I give myself permission to restart the art of dreaming
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| Not to get too cliche, but *ahem* REACH FOR THE STARS! |
The internet is practically bursting with inspirational memes which are smeared over abstract photography, encouraging all souls to "follow their dreams", "keep dreaming", "not give up", etc etc etc.
Now, when we're in our early twenties, we're pumped about our dreams. We're gonna do stuff! Brilliant stuff! Other people may not get to where they want to be but not us by thunder!
Then life happens; not necessarily bad things but just life. Time marches on at a steady pace and we began to walk to the beat, adding a responsibility here, an obligation there... Pretty soon you develop a routine of survival. Dreams become less outlandish and comfort becomes the new dream. Things become stable, fall into place, and we adjust our compasses accordingly.
Now, this doesn't apply to all souls out there, but the majority of us, eventually, begin to focus simply on realist, practical goals that easily fall into step with what we're currently doing.
The truly wild dreams dim and then flicker off without notice...
So, as much as we may despise the inspiration memes clogging up our online experience, we need to rediscover the art of passionate dreaming. Will these dreams be different than what we thought we wanted when we were younger? You betcha! Will they be any less wild and spectacular? Absolutely not!
I give myself permission to dream big and dream fearlessly! Which brings me to #3...
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3. I give myself permission to fail miserably without apology
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| Look at the future and be unabashedly fearless! |
My fear of failure stems from an entirely selfish thought process -- see, I don't fear failure because I don't want to let myself or those who care about me down; oh no, I fear failure because I don't want to give the people who despise me anything to gloat about.
K, I know I need to truly fill my life with more positive people but, in the meantime, there it is in all it's glory -- the reason I fear failure.
But guess what? If I never fail at anything it probably means I didn't start anything. And you know what else? Living a life in which nothing was ever started is worse than being the biggest failure in the world!
So yes, I give myself permission to fail. I also give myself permission to feel so unashamed of my failures that I don't need to offer up explanations to my curious critics. I failed at something. End of story. Say what you will but this event is a-rollin' off my back and I'm moving forward!
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4. I give myself permission to not wait for others
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| Allow yourself to walk away. |
Whether waiting for an apology before forgiveness is extended or waiting for approval before venturing into something new, no one should have their entire future held hostage by the whims of others.
Basically, life's short. We can love and care for other people without pushing pause on our entire journey simply for their sake. Time never stops moving forward and if it means you must move forward independently, then do so. If you hold out for others to make a decision, you may be holding out forever. Are you prepared for a limbo of forever? If you pause your own personal growth to wait on someone behaving in a certain way, are you prepared to stunt your personal growth forever?
Some people bask in the secure comfort that others are always going to wait around on them. These people begin to believe that the person waiting on them truly doesn't have an existence or life apart from them. By continuing to be held hostage by perpetually waiting on another person's fancies and whims, you lose a part of yourself and forever decimate your independence.
You were made with a purpose all your own! You are not merely an extension of someone else. Love yourself and move forward. Give yourself permission to wait no longer!
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5. I give myself permission to appear ugly, poor, and/or an emotional wreck
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| When you let go of the restraints of image, you embrace a new reality full of liberation. |
All to often, people (especially women) define themselves by how attractive they appear to others.
Or maybe they buy nice things and big, updated houses in the hopes of impressing on others that they are economically superior to a "lower class" of individuals.
And I'll bet all of us have given the "fine" answer when things most certainly are not fine.
At what point do we no longer have to fake it? At what point are we simply pretty enough, rich enough, and tough enough? Maybe that point is now and the time for pretending is over...
So I give myself permission to leave my house and look as ugly as I want without makeup or nice clothes. I give myself permission to have shabby, old stuff and not care what others might speculate my yearly net worth to be. I give myself permission to be honest (see #1) about how I feel in public, whether or not it makes someone feel awkward.
Life's to short to live behind a facade! Be who you are without worrying about the judgment of others.
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6. I give myself permission to care so much about people around me that, at some point, I will feel hurt
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| There is nothing positive about a heart caged behind a wall. |
Living behind a wall is a pretty lonely place to be. Behind my wall I'm safe from being hurt but I'm also not impacting the world in any positive way. I'm not allowing myself to be loved nor am I truly giving my love to others.
So I give myself permission to get hurt. It will happen and I accept this risk knowing that a life of isolation is a pale version of what life is supposed to be. Blocking others out because of fear of potential pain is inherently selfish; when I do this I'm keeping all my gifts, all my affections, and all my resources to myself.
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7. I give myself permission to cry
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| Even sadness has a place. |
How often are tears blinked back? How many times does one grit his teeth and muscle through the issue?
How many tears have I needed to shed and chose instead to suppress the urge?
Hereafter, I lovingly give myself permission to break down. Someone who cries when tears are needed is a strong person. Someone who isn't afraid of giving the appearance of vulnerability is a liberated human being.
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8. I give myself permission to be still
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| "...Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10b |
Gadgets, noise, chaos, voices. Constant streaming. Never ending background din. Busy busy busy. Go go go. On the move. Produce, produce produce.
When was the last time we sat in silence without accomplishing anything but stillness? When was the last time we were by ourselves without seeking some form of screen entertainment? When was the last time the only noise surrounding us was organic and not artificial?
I give myself permission to sometimes sit still and do simply nothing. I choose to allow my awake brain to rest from the chaos and diversions that are distracting me from what actually matters.
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9. I give myself permission to be passionate about my beliefs
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| The sincerity of your beliefs is put to the test by just how much they impact your life. |
It's very en vogue to be searching for meaning, purpose, and what you believe in. Searching is seen as a positive thing.
But what's not as popular is declaring you've found truth; saying I'm looking for God is acceptable but saying I've found God and the way to Him, well, that's when conversations can get awkward.
Despite this (or maybe because of it), I hereby give myself permission to be passionate about what I believe in the face of criticism. I will embrace openly and wholeheartedly what I have come to realize as the truth. After all, if I'm throwing a wet blanket over my values and faith, do I actually believe what I say?
If you believe you've discovered the truth, speak boldly so others can hear it. If it's the truth, it would be selfish to hoard it to yourself.
Permission to be passionate!
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10. I give myself permission to never stop trying new things
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| You're never to old for an adventure! |
Childhood is seen as a time of exploration and wonder. It is during this time that we are educated, we try new hobbies, and we are constantly being faced with opportunities to try something we've never done before (and, most of the time, we rise to the occasion.)
Why does that have to end? Why not learn to play the saxophone at age 60 or take up samba dancing at age 40? Why not ask the local kid cruising by your house for a try on his skateboard? Why not step outside your comfort zone and learn a new language? Odds are you have all the opportunities to learn endlessly within your grasp so, I ask again, why the heck not?
I give myself and the rest of the world permission-- stop! No, I give us obligation to always be learning and discovering marvelous things about the universe around us.
An idle mind is a wasted mind.
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The End
(drinking coffee with friend)
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(woman jumping)
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(portrait of woman, black and white)
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(woman in tunnel)
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(woman overlooking water)
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(portrait with wall)
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(girl sitting alone)
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(woman with eyes closed)
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(man at concert)
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(woman with helmet)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/110774194@N02/28077032812">Motorcycle gramma</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
