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| Aw motherhood; *sigh* 'tis a thing of beauty. (I wonder if she's enjoying this moment or is worried about her child getting too close to the water or his exposure to the sun... or sharks. Yeah, probably sharks.) |
I've been a mother for a little over four years and I have to say, overall, I feel I'm fairly good at it... that is, until I get online, thumb through a magazine at the checkout counter, see a pediatrician during a routine visit, or attend any sort of lecture on parenting by an expert in "such and such" field. Then, I'm a wreck of worry and self doubt.
You see, I'm a researcher by nature. I love facts. I love studies. I love to analyze and evaluate choices I make based on what is logical and makes sense. I loath the idea of doing anything simply because it's traditional or because it's what everyone else is doing.
On the whole, this has worked out for me fairly well. However, when it comes to parenting, I feel as if I've entered an age of information overload. Everywhere I turn, I'm confronted with an advocate screaming at me that their pet project is the one that deserves my full dedication. "Druanna! This is the one! If you don't get _____ right, your kid will be really screwed up!" "No! Over here! If you don't do this right, studies show your child will DIE!" "Ha! All that's well and good, but if _____ isn't given some really hardcore dedication, well, you can kiss your kid's chance of success goodbye!"
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| I'm sorry Mr. Dr.! My kid watched 3 hours of TV yesterday, has never tasted a brussel sprout, and doesn't know what a triangle is! I'm a HORRIBLE mom I know!!!! |
From car seats to diet, co-sleeping to toxins, sports to medicine, there are studies and facts everywhere with experts in every field demanding HOURS from your life in order to make sure you're doing it right. And they make it sound so easy. "Just make sure Junior is flossing thoroughly every day." "What's really important is to regulate their TV intake." "Crying it out is damaging to your baby; sure it takes extra work but it will soon pass."
I'm not saying they are wrong; most of the time, they are very, very right. But where does that leave me? Overwhelmed, that's where. Laying in bed at night obsessing about everything I'm not doing right according to the studies.
Part of me wonders if it was always this way. Did the mothers of generations past suffer from the agony and stress of analyzing every detail of what they were doing with their children? Or, did they just parent. Without Google and with just their instincts, did they muddle their way through it and the human race continued? Or were they also surrounded by voices telling them what was best for their children? Maybe the older women taught the younger ones how to parent? How did we manage without parenting magazines or studies done by uber-smart professors at ivy league universities? Is it really just simple and we've made it extra hard?
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| Being a mommy pre-Google. What was it like? Can we learn from it? |
I don't know; I haven't parented during a different time period. I'm parenting now, in the information age and, while I'm grateful for so much knowledge at my fingertips, part of me wonders if it really matters in the end. A teeny bit of my logic plays with the idea that, for the most part, little parenting quirks which seem like a HUGE deal on the Facebook mom battles may not matter much in the end. What if we just get the big things right and raise decent human beings? Will it matter a titanic amount as adults whose parents allowed video games in their homes or who had to dress conservatively? Obviously, for us parents, we make these rules because we DO believe they have a long term effect on our kids and their futures. But are we being arrogant in simply writing off the neighbors down the street for doing it differently? Maybe they are the ones onto something...
I honestly don't know. I do believe my fellow moms and me are overwhelmed by a society that is blowing the details out of proportion. Once again, I'm not saying the stuff we're being told isn't important. I'm just starting to feel resentful to anyone who waltzes into my life with new rules I need to follow that will, supposedly, ensure my child's well being.
You know what would be good for my kids? Having a mom who isn't so stressed out about getting it right. Having a mom who doesn't feel like she has to spend a minimum of six hours researching car seats and baby carriers. Having a mom who is relaxed because she doesn't have to carry around a portable ambulance with five pounds of sunscreen any time her children and her head to the pool. Having a mom who lets them lick the bowl of buttery fatness when baking cookies without freaking out about their health or the raw eggs. Having a mom who isn't getting gray hairs thinking over what her kids are going to be exposed to in life.
Am I that oh so cool, chill-axed mom? Heck no; there are a ton of parenting quirks that I am very passionate about. However, what I want to do is regulate how many battles I'm willing to fight. Honestly, for my own sanity, I purposely RELAX in some areas despite knowing it's going against the almighty current study statistics. Other times, I work hard to make sure we are doing things based on evidence.
But what matters the most? We love our children enough to do what we believe is good for them. We'd die for them. We listen to them. We believe in them. I'm sure that's all our kids really need from us in the end.
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| Time together is what will be remembered forever. |
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photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/amymctigue/3161095736/">Amy McTigue</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
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