Cowboy Hats & Coffee Huts

Friday, August 15, 2014

5 Things I've Said And Wish I Could Take Back

Did I really say that?

We've all done it; loudly and proudly made statements and declarations only to end up eating our words later in life. I guess the old adage "never say never" is 100% right!

There are countless things I've loudly touted as a correct viewpoint only to discover, low and behold, I was *gasp* wrong. There are also ways of doing things I've sworn I'd never in a million years do and, what-do-ya-know, I went ahead and did.

Here are 5 fantastic examples of things I said in the past and how I've changed my mind:

What I said then ~ "I'll never homeschool!"

What I'm saying now ~ "Hmm, I think I'm going to homeschool..."

What I said then ~ "I won't do a homebirth."

What I say now ~ "Yeah, I had my youngest in my living room... on purpose."

What I said then ~ "Those people protesting the Iraq war are deluded."

What I say now ~ "Get the U.S. military out of all foreign countries!"

What I said then ~ "The war on drugs is moral and people who use drugs are criminals."

What I say now ~ "The war on drugs is immoral and is creating criminals."

What I said then ~ "Yep, I've got it all figured out."

What I say now ~ "Wow, there is a lot I still have to learn."

Why has my opinion changed so dramatically in, not only the above areas, but other parts of my life? Well, basically, it's because I live my life horizontally and not vertically. You may ask, 'What the dingy does that mean?!" Let me explain: *ahem* It's a theory I have which states there are two ways a person can live out their life. One way of living is the Vertical Life. The other is the Horizontal Life.

The Vertical Life
...stationary and stubborn...

The Vertical Life is like a tree; it starts out as a seed and grows larger and larger, reaching ever more for the sky, taller and taller and taller. The Vertical Life changes physically and seems to be getting bigger and bigger but, alas, it never goes anywhere. It stays rooted in the same spot it started out in, its scope of the world very limited, enveloped in a few familiar surroundings but its knowledge forever hampered by its short view of the universe it exists in.

The Horizontal Life
...who knows what lessons lie ahead for the learning mind...

The Horizontal Life is like a journey; you start it by heading out on a path across the face of the earth. You are forever moving forward, seeing new things, meeting new people, confronting obstacles and brave ideas. Every day you're in a new place. Eventually, your view and opinions have become seasoned by your now very broad scope of the world. Its caused growth in you. Its caused original opinions to be formed. You haven't stayed rooted in the same spot without ever looking outside your comfort zone. For you, life is a never ending journey and you're moving forward, leaving some baggage and things behind. You're even changing your mind! Bravo.

(Interestingly enough, whether you live a Vertical or Horizontal Life has nothing to do with you're actual physical movement. It's your knowledge, mind, and spirit who need to decide this. For example, a well-traveled person can, nonetheless, be living a very Vertical Life.)

In closing, I actually have a reason for sharing my five "before and after" thoughts (though some of them make me cringe when I remember how I've had to eat my words). No, the reason was not to spark any debates or fan a fire of disagreement with people who think one way or the other. Trust me, it doesn't feel awesome to expose how wrong I've been or how wrong you may think I am now.

I actually have two valid points to make.

Be quite and listen to others; sometimes that's just as important as stating what you think.

First of all, be humble. No matter how right you are, you may not be as right as you'd like to believe. Of course, we all do what we do because we think we're right. Duh. But just remember, unsolicited advice is criticism. It's totally awesome to share what you are doing in your life or how you've experienced something, positive or negative. Telling your story is always okay and needs to be done. But never expect others to be just like you or to do things your way. No other human being is going to think exactly like you. It's prideful to expect this in others. Be humble, please.

Meet the person who has never been wrong in his entire life!
Congratulations! Just what is your secret?

Second of all, if you've never changed your mind on anything, then that means you truly believe you've been 100% right in every area of your life since forever. Wow. If you're this person, I'm earnestly scared for you. Don't be a toddler in an adult's body who refuses to grow, change, or adapt. You're setting yourself up to live in a very small world with very small people. Get outside your comfort zone and see the world from the eyes of a stranger!

It's never to late to uproot yourself and take the first step of a Horizontal Life.

What way are you going to live?

Friday, June 6, 2014

Welcome to the Wolf Pack

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present, the tantrum.

Children bite. They claw and kick and scream. They express their anger in primal ways. Truthfully, being a mother is like being the alpha of a wolf pack.

Now, I adore being a nurturer to my children. I love cuddling them, singing them lullabies, and kissing away boo-boos. I dance "silly" with them in the living room to movie credits. I occasionally make up outlandish stories to explain how they are perfectly safe from any spooky shadows in their closet.

That being said, I'm well aware that I've signed up to be alpha of a wolf pack; a ravenous, cutthroat wolf pack with an unruly brood of eager young pups jonesing for leadership. In this pack (aka family) we support each other and stand by each other. I teach my children to survive and skills that will make them stronger. I do this because, fact is, life is going to be rough sometimes and mommy wolf will not always be around. (I'm alpha, not immortal for crying out loud!)

Quite frankly, if I didn't have what it takes to be in charge of my young pups, I'd be setting them up for failure and creating a lifetime of disorder for my pack.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE THAT
BRIGHTLY PACKAGED, BRILLIANTLY PLACED CANDY BAR?!
In the presense of these Wal Mart shoppers, I officially
challenge you for alpha, Mother! Prepare yourself!

You see, frequently, as alpha, I'm sneak-attack challenged by one of my young charges. There is usually very little warning; sometimes the form of said challenge arises in an embarrassing scene played out in the grocery story where my child is morphed into a human tornado of arms and limbs kicking and screaming, a nice side show distraction in the otherwise boring checkout lane. Other times the challenge is subtle but crafty; my little girl folds her arms boldly across her chest, glares at me with wrath, and states "no" or simply ignores what she's being told to do.

Whatever method this brilliant young usurper uses, the challenge is the same, "Are you really in charge Mommy?" And, "Prove it!"

And here, folks, we have the tantrum played out in living color.

See, the interesting thing about my young pack members is, though they may battle me endlessly for the position of alpha, truthfully, they don't want it. What they really want is to have a strong leader which is why they constantly challenge the alphas. They want to know that their father and I deserve the respect they are going to give the people in charge. They want to know they can trust me with this position I've been given. If I'm weak and let them run over the top of me, let them rule the roost, then they know I'm an unfit leader. They would think I don't deserve respect and therefore they would give me none. They would believe I wouldn't be able to stick up for them because I couldn't even stand up to my own little pack.

I'm not saying I believe in ruling over your children as a tyrant. I'm saying you can be calm, firm, gentle, and strong at the same time. I try not to beg or bribe or plead with my children to behave and I believe they are better off for it. Oh yes, I swoon over and reward good behavior but I don't tolerate the pack rules being thrown helter-skelter due to a toddler's will.

Life is a journey. Eventually children will grow and carve their own path.
But, while they are young, they look to their parents to guide them.
They look to their parents to lead them.

I've been given a great responsibility in preparing these future adults for life. This calling would be very difficult for me to complete of I were faint-hearted, hard-hearted, or even currently broken-hearted. It's for a person whose heart can handle being told by someone they've poured their life into "I hate you!" Someone who won't take it personally when they are challenged. Someone whose will won't quiver and break when a firm rule must be imposed on a misbehaving pup. Someone who is confident in who they are and has enough strength to establish a mighty pack.

So yes, I am mother, the alpha wolf.

(tantrum) photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lovelornpoets/6792355531/">lovelornpoets</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

(wolf fight) photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tambako/10039483454/">Tambako the Jaguar</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

(little girl) photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lulupine/447618298/">LuluP</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

(journey) photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/anabadili/3082839059/">.craig</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

(lone wolf) photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ucumari/366089557/">ucumari</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

My Testimony

(This one was a struggle for me to write. The subject matter is so personal and, if it feels like it gets a little over the top, it's truly because it comes straight from my heart. Obviously, there are many many different stories that have affected my testimony but the one below is what I felt led to share. While reading, keep in mind I'm not comparing my journey, story, and losses with anyone else. We all have hurts and heartache and comparing one life to another is foolish. This is simply my story, told from my perspective. I hope it touches your life because it's a piece of mine I earnestly pour out to you. ~ Druanna)

I once had a minister tell me one of the powerful things I can share with another person is the story of how I came to believe what I believe.

This may be true but, honestly, I can't do this without first sharing someone else's testimony, one that has impacted my life profoundly. Let me take a moment to tell his story:

Ben was born the middle child of a large family. His parents were farmers and, as he grew, he would often be seen trailing behind his dad outside, eager to help and get as dirty as possible. Completely "boy", he drove his older sisters insane with toads shoved in his pockets and pet grasshoppers continually getting loose in the house. He was a very merry child and had a sensitive spirit.

Ben was quick to lose his temper and, an unusually strong boy, once knocked his older sister out for teasing him. He was quick to hit. He was easy to goad into anger.

I'm telling you all this to make one point absolutely clear; Ben was very much human. He wasn't a saint and had the same selfish and sinful tendencies we all struggle with.

Despite this, there was something about him that absolutely radiated from the inside out; his love for Jesus. As a small child he would walk up to unsuspecting adults and announce with enthusiasm, "Guess what? I love Jesus!" The adult would usually smile at him but he wasn't finished, "And you know what else? Jesus loves me!"

Here was a little boy who unabashedly would pronounce his love for the Savior to anyone at any time. It was a wondrous thing. Unhindered by the embarrassment or social graces we adults are often constrained by, this tiny soul talked about Jesus as if he was a close friend he had just spoken to. There is nothing quite as beautiful as the faith of an innocent child and Ben's earnest love and unquestioning belief in his Jesus was truly remarkable to behold. A little boy, not even seven, and he'd already begun ministering to others around him, touching lives in ways he could never know.

Ben didn't live to see the impact his life would have on others; when he was seven-years-old he died in a horrible farming accident. He didn't grow to adulthood. He never married or had children. He never enjoyed teenage adolescence. His life had barely begun and was cut short in one minute, a shocking illustration how life is just a moment and breath from living to dead. All he had were seven years but his short life profoundly and deeply impacted those who loved him.

The reason I tell his story and the reason this boy's life and death are so closely linked to my testimony is Ben was my little brother.  I was thirteen-years-old when he died. I don't think there are words in the spoken language that can begin to describe the effect this seven-year-old boy's life and death has changed my entire world and rewritten the map of my heart.

At the time of Ben's passing, I'd already given my life to Christ.  Though young when I did this, I was fully aware of what I was doing. Nobody coerced or convinced me to ask Jesus to take over my life. I wanted to belong to God.

That's how I became saved but that's not my story. My story began on the day I started living for God, not before, and has continued every say since. You see, many people have a rags to riches "Cinderella-ish" testimony of their journey to Christ. They go through the shambles of this world, find Jesus, and end the story with their salvation. That's beautiful and truly awesome but my tale isn't like that; I'd barely even lived when I started walking the path of the Christian. However, I'm very thankful I was saved by the grace of God when I was young; otherwise I don't think I would have survived the trials of life since. You see, being a Christian does not guarantee an easy journey but it does ensure you'll never walk alone. Through all the tragedies and joys, through all the loneliness and hurt, through all the triumphs, I've always felt God there with me, holding me soundly with His right hand and keeping me from falling (even though, at times, He's had to drag me along).

My brother dying was one of the first times I felt the strength of God holding me up. Ben's death was horrific and shattered any sense of reality we as a family knew. The best way to describe what it felt like is this -- picture my family sitting down to have a photographer take a portrait of us. Only, instead of taking our picture, the photographer pulls the pin out a grenade and tosses it at us, blowing everyone to smithereens. That's the way it felt; sudden, shocking, horrific, and devastating.  It was like I was army crawling through the debris and remains of what had been my family, grabbing severed limbs and trying to put everything back together. It was awful.

But you know what? Jesus was there. In the pain and the loss, I never felt abandoned. In fact, I felt protected and it didn't make sense. Here we were, going through one of the worst case scenarios a family can face, and I felt like God was there with me, hurting with me, his heart breaking along with ours. I felt him saying, "Trust me. This had to happen. I know how you hurt and ache for your brother. I know how your parents and sisters and brother are wounded and scarred by what has happened. But trust me Dru. I'm here. You don't understand why this happened. You don't know why I took him. But just trust in me."

It was hard: hard to believe God had a reason; hard to realize I may never know the reason; hard to hurt and not be tempted to blame God or demand He return what was His to take in the first place.

I may never know fully God's purpose in calling my brother home so early but I do know that Jesus never left my side. Since then, through all the struggles of life, all the heartache, all the fears, all the hurts, He's been consistently there, whispering "Trust me."

My brother Ben believed with a faith as firm as the mountains he was surrounded by. Even today, if asked, not one of my siblings will ever hesitate to answer where our brother is at this moment; Ben is in heaven, with the Jesus who loves him, waiting for the rest of us to come home as well.

For years I haven't talked about the effect my brother's life and death has had on my faith simply because it's been so painful for many people and is something we don't discuss freely. Truthfully, a part of it will always be painful. However, truth be told, I know I've done injustice to his legacy by not sharing his story, his testimony, and my testimony with others.

Ben's story was meant to be told. That's the whole point in all this, the whole point in our lives -- they were meant to be lived to the fullest for God in order that we might point others to him. My testimony is incomplete without my brother's and the story of how one horrible event solidified my faith forever. Ben's death, Ben's enthusiasm for God, the Spirit of God that radiated from such a small child, has changed me and my perspective on reality forever. Heaven and God are real! Never has anything been made clearer to me. God was there when my brother died and He's never left my side. Someday He'll call me home as well (praise God) and I'll thank my Jesus for giving us the hope of never ending tomorrows by cleansing our sins.

And I'll see our Ben again and I'll thank him for his faith, a faith so full of enthusiasm and trust.

May all of us who believe be able to boldly announce, "I love Jesus! And my Jesus loves me!"

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Random Acts Of Kindness

Taking the time to lend a helping hand.

Random acts of kindness. Boy, it sounds good to say that. Say it out loud for a second, in a lofty tone -- "Random acts of kindness."

I see that phrase everywhere, Pinterest especially. Some in depth quote or phrase by a good soul encouraging us to be randomly generous and kind to our fellow man. We all nod in agreement, pat ourselves on the back for our progressive thinking, and think positively.

But do we actually do good to others or do we share motivational words on our Facebook feed and then go back to our lives where we barely look strangers in the eye?

True confession -- that's me! I love the idea of volunteering and helping but when it comes to putting it into practice, I stumble, fall, and crash into a pathetic pile of good intentions destined to never get off the ground.

See, there are two ways to help the world: giving of your money and giving of your time. (Yes, for the nitpickers out there, you can do both but we're going to talk about them separately.)

This is totally a random act of kindess!
I know I talk below about how easy giving money is
but there are so many things I love about this picture I just had to share.
Seeing somone in need on the street and just giving without question = something beautiful happened.

Giving of your money

Okay, this one is so easy for me. How awesome is it to give just five dollars?! You never miss it! Even bigger donations? Totally doable. Some might argue it's hard to give money but it truly isn't. You can do without if you have to, especially when you comfort yourself with the idea that you're sacrificing for the good of others.

But, honestly, money is a very 'safe' way to give. When I write a check to someone or some organization who needs it, I can hide safely behind my bank account, a few seconds of my time taken to scribble some ink and send my funds off into the world for the betterment of all.

Let me pause and clarify -- I'm not dissing the act of giving to others financially. It's essential. It's necessary. It's needed.

I am saying that, for me personally, the act of giving financially requires very little effort on my part. It's my way of contributing but not having to get involved. With a planned budget every month which allows for giving of our funds, it really takes all effort out of making a donation happen.

This brings us to the second form of giving...

Love.
I have a friend who does this with her daughters during the Christmas season;
what an awesome way to give of yourself.

Giving of your time

Boom! There it is; the key ingredient of the 'random acts of kindess' call. There are so many people who could use our help in the form of our two hands or an ear to listen or our heart to do something considerate for them. Just our time really. However, I have found, we can be exceptionally selfish with our time.

My husband and I had a conversation about this the other day. We are well aware that we struggle with compassion, hospitality, and finding ways to give of ourselves to the world around us. And I mean truly give of ourselves, not just give with our pocketbook. (I know, I make us sound like two grumpy jerks. I promise we're not bad people, just a little weather-beaten. Honest.) We've decided it's time to do something about it. Because we are new at this practice, we've promised each other to do at least one act of spontaneous kindness every month. I know it doesn't seem like much but we're baby-stepping ourselves into showing love to the world.

For me, it won't be easy. I always have ideas of how I want to help and end up talking myself out of them. For one thing, it's HARD to put yourself out there with other people. Here's an example -- if an acquaintance of mine is in the hospital, my first instinct is to buy flowers and show up with a flourish of love and encouragement. Then I think, wait, what if they don't want to see anyone? Oh, I'll bet they already have a ton of visitors already. What if I say the wrong thing and make it worse? What if it's awkward? What if they hate flowers?! What if I go to the wrong hospital walk around lost for HOURS?! You see. Within the matter of a few moments, I've talked myself out of my initial instinct of showing love and support and end up doing nothing.

Doubt; the killer of good ideas

The funny thing? I KNOW better. A few years ago, one of my family members I'm very close to was fighting brain cancer. While people were generous and quick to volunteer to give stuff (food, fund-raisers, etc), I can count on one hand how many people actually took the time to really be there. Ironically, all my loved one wanted was someone to come and visit him; he was handicapped while this was going on and someone stopping by and just sitting with him, maybe telling him about their day, would have meant the world. But barely anyone did; lots of people said they were going to but never followed through.

It's not as if he only knew bad people; he knew a ton of wonderful, good, giving people. That wasn't the problem; the problem was that people start to feel awkward, then doubtful, then hesitant and, eventually, they don't do to their fellow man the good they had originally intended.

I guess my encouragement to myself as well as my readers is to be bold. It's better to extend a helping hand and have it smacked away than to never reach out to someone and let them fall. It's scary to put yourself out there but it's not really about how we feel; it's about the good we are trying to do.

Try. What if you're the only one reaching out?

Starting is the hardest part sometimes. I know I often wonder to myself, where in the world do I go to help others? This is a silly problem I create in my head because, honestly, I could feed the birds in the park and I'd be doing something positive for the world. It may not seem like much but I'll bet it matters a lot to the birds...

It's too late for a New Year's resolution or something grand like that so let's just do this thing. Let's be creative and watchful and I'm sure the opportunities to change things around us will present themselves in abundance.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mynameisharsha/5832815994/">mynameisharsha</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/strevs/352200489/">Strevo</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/virtualsugar/3129428399/">Monica's Dad</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/virtualsugar/3129428399/">Monica's Dad</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimfaires/14103657771/">kimfaires</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/leo-gruebler/6347903993/">LeonArts.at</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jillclardy/5523802062/">Jill Clardy</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

Monday, April 28, 2014

Beauty is Timeless

Youth is beautiful; I think we've gotten that message loud and clear. But, like childhood and youth, the autumn years also hold amazing and breathtaking beauty. Don't listen to the peddling of the cosmetic companies who tout their snake oil wares across the TV screen, telling you to fight signs of aging. Ignore body manipulating doctors, who claim you can die at 80 years with a 20-year-old looking corpse. Pity the celebrities who have had their skin and muscles pinched, pulled, and tucked multiple times in a sad effort to cling to an era their lives have moved past.

Aging is beautiful; as beautiful as youth and amazing in its own right. There is a quiet dignity to simply being your age. Your wrinkles are memories, each one mapping stories of loves or losses across the canvas of your face. Silver hair glistens.

There is nothing terrifying about growing old. What's terrifying is having a grandma whose insecurities cause her to spend thousands of dollars competing with models half her age. A father who wants to look younger than his sons.

It's such a confusing mindset our culture has swallowed, believing that once your youth has passed, your life has passed.

What are we missing out on by not embracing who we are right now? The fact is, we are not who we once were nor should we want to be. And the future us should be met with excitement, not dread.

Below are some photos I find, not only beautiful, but more intriguing than any lie or airbrushed, young vixen. That's the thing about aging with grace and dignity -- though your features change from what they were, you're still just as beautiful only now your face tells a story to strangers, the story of your life. Wear it with pride and spirit; you have earned every wrinkle and every gray hair (or loss thereof.)

Enjoy; these faces hold more depth and story than you'll find on the cover of Cosmo:

Merriment ~ an ingredient not found in any anti-wrinkle cream.
Her face simply radiates and her wrinkles add to the glow.

Great portrait. His eyes are very sad though.

This woman looks so amazingly regal, like a majestic queen.

A man of the sea; now that's handsome no matter what the age.

I love that smile.
It makes me grin back.

The eyes of this gentleman appear a little stern but they also seem to tell a story.

Ah, mother, lover, sister, wife.
She could be all; life radiates from her face.

Stunning photo.

A well dressed city lady.
Everything about her is flawless.

Enjoying nature and soaking up the sun.
Her white wisps are exquisite.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Hello, I'm a Mom and I'm Overinformed

Aw motherhood; *sigh* 'tis a thing of beauty.
(I wonder if she's enjoying this moment or is worried about her child getting too close to the water
or his exposure to the sun... or sharks. Yeah, probably sharks.)

I've been a mother for a little over four years and I have to say, overall, I feel I'm fairly good at it... that is, until I get online, thumb through a magazine at the checkout counter, see a pediatrician during a routine visit, or attend any sort of lecture on parenting by an expert in "such and such" field. Then, I'm a wreck of worry and self doubt.

You see, I'm a researcher by nature. I love facts. I love studies. I love to analyze and evaluate choices I make based on what is logical and makes sense. I loath the idea of doing anything simply because it's traditional or because it's what everyone else is doing.

On the whole, this has worked out for me fairly well. However, when it comes to parenting, I feel as if I've entered an age of information overload. Everywhere I turn, I'm confronted with an advocate screaming at me that their pet project is the one that deserves my full dedication. "Druanna! This is the one! If you don't get _____ right, your kid will be really screwed up!" "No! Over here! If you don't do this right, studies show your child will DIE!" "Ha! All that's well and good, but if _____ isn't given some really hardcore dedication, well, you can kiss your kid's chance of success goodbye!"

I'm sorry Mr. Dr.! My kid watched 3 hours of TV yesterday, has never tasted a brussel sprout,
and doesn't know what a triangle is! I'm a HORRIBLE mom I know!!!!

From car seats to diet, co-sleeping to toxins, sports to medicine, there are studies and facts everywhere with experts in every field demanding HOURS from your life in order to make sure you're doing it right. And they make it sound so easy. "Just make sure Junior is flossing thoroughly every day." "What's really important is to regulate their TV intake." "Crying it out is damaging to your baby; sure it takes extra work but it will soon pass."

I'm not saying they are wrong; most of the time, they are very, very right. But where does that leave me? Overwhelmed, that's where. Laying in bed at night obsessing about everything I'm not doing right according to the studies.

Part of me wonders if it was always this way. Did the mothers of generations past suffer from the agony and stress of analyzing every detail of what they were doing with their children? Or, did they just parent. Without Google and with just their instincts, did they muddle their way through it and the human race continued? Or were they also surrounded by voices telling them what was best for their children? Maybe the older women taught the younger ones how to parent? How did we manage without parenting magazines or studies done by uber-smart professors at ivy league universities? Is it really just simple and we've made it extra hard?

Being a mommy pre-Google. What was it like? Can we learn from it?

I don't know; I haven't parented during a different time period. I'm parenting now, in the information age and, while I'm grateful for so much knowledge at my fingertips, part of me wonders if it really matters in the end. A teeny bit of my logic plays with the idea that, for the most part, little parenting quirks which seem like a HUGE deal on the Facebook mom battles may not matter much in the end. What if we just get the big things right and raise decent human beings? Will it matter a titanic amount as adults whose parents allowed video games in their homes or who had to dress conservatively? Obviously, for us parents, we make these rules because we DO believe they have a long term effect on our kids and their futures. But are we being arrogant in simply writing off the neighbors down the street for doing it differently? Maybe they are the ones onto something...

I honestly don't know. I do believe my fellow moms and me are overwhelmed by a society that is blowing the details out of proportion. Once again, I'm not saying the stuff we're being told isn't important. I'm just starting to feel resentful to anyone who waltzes into my life with new rules I need to follow that will, supposedly, ensure my child's well being.

You know what would be good for my kids? Having a mom who isn't so stressed out about getting it right. Having a mom who doesn't feel like she has to spend a minimum of six hours researching car seats and baby carriers. Having a mom who is relaxed because she doesn't have to carry around a portable ambulance with five pounds of sunscreen any time her children and her head to the pool. Having a mom who lets them lick the bowl of buttery fatness when baking cookies without freaking out about their health or the raw eggs. Having a mom who isn't getting gray hairs thinking over what her kids are going to be exposed to in life.

Am I that oh so cool, chill-axed mom? Heck no; there are a ton of parenting quirks that I am very passionate about. However, what I want to do is regulate how many battles I'm willing to fight. Honestly, for my own sanity, I purposely RELAX in some areas despite knowing it's going against the almighty current study statistics. Other times, I work hard to make sure we are doing things based on evidence.

But what matters the most? We love our children enough to do what we believe is good for them. We'd die for them. We listen to them. We believe in them. I'm sure that's all our kids really need from us in the end.

Time together is what will be remembered forever.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/asthenia/723498779/">Ashelia</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/amymctigue/3161095736/">Amy McTigue</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/chris-warren-photos/5862244102/">ChrisWarren1956</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/seandreilinger/3772711122/">sean dreilinger</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

Sunday, April 6, 2014

5 Ways To Be A Bad Neighbor

Welcome to the Neighborhood

Are you tired of living in a pleasant environment? Does it bring you down that your friendly neighbors bake you cookies for the holidays? How 'bout the fact that the people next door would let you know if someone were prowling around your place at night?

Well, you've come to the right place! As an avid renter for years and a former property management professional, I can provide you with five foolproof tips ensured to create animosity in your neighborhood and guarantee that your neighbors despise you!

~~~

With an evil glint in your eye and one man band in your soul,
you'll steer your neighborhood any direction you choose!

1. Noise, noise, noise

When I was managing properties, this was the number one complaint we received in regards to tenant disputes. If you want to be ostracized, the fastest way to accomplish this is be loud. Not just arguing loudly. I mean really, really insanely loud. Hold wild parties frequently where your 700 sq. ft. apartment is transformed into the hottest nightclub in town. On the weeknights and ends, play your awesome music selection loud enough so people within a five mile radius can learn your favorite song by heart. Because honestly, who doesn't want to enjoy their neighbor's Screamo while trying to host a dinner party for their in-laws? If the walls of your unit are made of paper mache, vacuuming at 3am is also a creative and unique way to unite the community against you.

~~~

Don't underestimate fifteen pounds of determined barking!

2. Be a bad pet owner

For someone as responsible as you, this may be hard to accomplish since it will require, basically, irresponsibility. You will have to claim you love your pet and post hundreds of pics with you and your 'baby' meanwhile lacking any knowledge on training animals or any follow through to take care of one.

If you have a canine, when taking your animal out to do it's business, simple leave its little chocolate mounds all over the common area where other people picnic or take their kids to play. Make sure to do it repeatedly in the same area, thereby guaranteeing some ripeness when the July heat rolls around.

But it takes more work than disgusting laziness; oh yes, you must build up an immunity to dog barking. You need to let your dog bark whenever at whomever it wants. If a butterfly flitters into its outdoor territory, let your pet unleash a furor of cries that will cause those in the neighborhood to wonder if the area is being invaded by guerrilla soldiers. Be sure to leave your dog out all night just to make sure he keeps it up into the wee morning hours. While everyone else is jostled from their sleep about a dozen times during an eight hour period, you chug down some bottom shelf vodka and pass out.

If you have a cat, well, that's your problem; what you need is DOZENS, none of them spayed or neutered ensuring your precious cat colony will live on for generations, eight toes and three eye mutations be darned!

To really get into this, defensively claim whenever someone complains that they just hate animals.

~~~

*Ahem* Jim. June. This is looking a little private and low key.
If you could amp it up a few notches that'd be great.

3. Air out that dirty laundry!

Totally and enthusiastically disown the idea of privacy! Make sure to be in multiple dysfunctional relationships with toxic friends, family, and boyfriend/girlfriend. Then, whenever an argument with one of them reaches a Jerry Springer climax, move it outdoors to the front lawn for all the neighborhood to enjoy. This also includes angry phone calls.

I once had a neighbor that had mastered this art. All the strangers next door knew how the custody fights in the family were going, the gritty details of her bad relationships, etc, simply because the second something blew up, she'd race outside to yell and scream angrily on her phone, insuring that we all could share in the drama.

To really embrace this practice, use the old west saloon motto of 'take it outside boys' as your life code. Relish in the show you put on, shamelessly wanting everyone you don't really know to KNOW the soap opera that is your life.

Believe me, this is a great way to disinvite yourself from the community BBQ and Christmas caroling projects all the while making the topic of your life a legend among the gossips at the neighborhood rummy club.

~~~

Ah, 'tis a thing of beauty

4. Revel in filth

Now, I'm not talking about the college kid who has a collection of fifteen pizza boxes sitting inside his house. Oh no, I'm talking about really going out of your way to make a mess, so much so that your despairing neighbors will wonder if you're doing it on purpose. But really, this one is an easy habit to acquire; just a few times of really getting up to your elbows in mess will make cleaning seem like an insurmountable task.

Don't be afraid to be creative -- at the mail box, absentmindedly and instantly throw all the junk mail you received on the ground; purposely walk three feet past a trash can to carelessly chuck your styrofoam Big Gulp on the grass; throw so many cigarette butts around your neighbors will wonder if they are seeing the remnants of a Marlboro parade which must have passed through while they were at work; have such an enormous amount of junk littering your front lawn that on Saturday mornings passing motorists slow down, wondering if you're hosting a garage sale.

Unlike the other annoyances, this one possesses the charm of never ending. While the music can be turned down and the drama breaks for lunch, your messy nest of vulgarity is an eye sore to greet everyone else each time they drive past, giving them no time to forgive you during a respite. It's endless and will serve your purpose well.

~~~

What's that? You want to know who threw the pink crayon in the dryer?
BWHAHAHAHAHA! Why, it was I! Bob from 309!
Who knows where I'll strike next!

5. Be the Phantom Jerk

You know this person; the guy whose vehicle is always in your designated parking space or the doofus who chucked your laundry all over the floor at the coin op. The person who left their ginormous pickup behind three cars, thereby blocking them in, because it was raining and the driver didn't want to walk further than necessary. They steal newspapers. They damage a part of your property and never say anything about it. You see the wake of these agents of discord, these ninjas of disregard, but rarely are you able to put a face on the stranger who doesn't seem to realize there are other people inhabiting this planet besides him.

Do you have what it takes to pull this off? Very few do, for only an individual with blatant disrespect for others while still enough shrewdness to never have their crimes against their fellow humans witnessed can enter into this level of obnoxiousness.

Normally these daring little monsters are schooled in this art starting at birth and continuing through adolescence into adulthood. It's not easy, but their parents have worked hard, devoting hours of indulgence and careful patronizing to make sure their offspring grow up believing they are the center of the universe and everyone else comes second to their momentary wants.

Is it too late for you? Has your chance to be an inconceivable twit passed you by? Hard to say but, hark, there may yet be some hope! You, my friend, must unlearn every ounce of decency your family tried to teach you. You much practice the art of floating through life with blinders on and lose all ability to see past the end of your own nose.

It sounds hard but, really, it doesn't take as much energy as you would think and, once sworn into this Phantom Jerk Brotherhood, you will find yourself so miserably enjoying your squalor of selfishness, you just may never want to leave.

~~~

The truth of the matter? You miss out on so much, even a piece of your humanity,
when you choose not to consider your fellow man.
Be kind.
Be considerate.
You'll be surprised how many people need it.

Photo credits:

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/zouny/4349026082/">Design By Zouny</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/practicalowl/3275159476/">practicalowl</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nataliaromay/2619054151/">Natalia Romay Photography</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/stuant63/2685363025/">stuant63</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035610542@N01/60002388/">cszar</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/brunkfordbraun/408428562/">brunkfordbraun</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/netzanette/7709145598/">netzanette</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>